Best Week Ever

Topics skewered include: Britney Spears on the television show On Air with Ryan Seacrest gets softball questions, natch Paris Hilton 2.0 . . .the new version, is everywhere Diana Ross caught drinking and behind the wheel the FOX amateur talent show American Idol little people on FOX's coupling reality television show The Littlest Groom the hi-caffeine energy drink Red Bull Courtney Love is back . . . in trouble and in Court Valentine's Day Marlon Brando causes the demise of Ugg boots the curious symphonic pop group Polyphonic Spree from Dallas, Texas and their video Light & Day/Reach for the Sun and more. Upgrade and downgrade: Grammy Awards moments. Closing Video: ""Mono,"" by Courtney Love.

Topics ridiculed include: Conan O'Brien goes to Canada to apologize the FOX television show The OC Dubya Bush, Ben Affleck, and Whoopi Goldberg at a NASCAR race Mel Gibson producing and directing the film The Passion Gov. Howard Dean quits the 2004 presidential race after defeat ""scream"" perceived foible the final episode of the HBO television show Sex and the City Christina Aguilera sends Britney Spears a ""let's make up"" letter and then, OMG, sends it to the press SHOWTIME's cable TV show The L Word American Idol contestant William Hung, his lackluster voice, and his 15 minutes of fame the PBS children's educational exercise show Boohbah and more. Upgrade and downgrade: celebrity spokepersons. Word of the week: manscaping--the removal of body hair from a man to make him look phat. Music spotlight: Five for Fighting. John Ondrasik, the leader of the band and principal tune-smith, takes a turn as a guest star panelist. Closing video: ""Superman (It's not Eas

Topics that amused the panelists include: God is hot and marketable the NBC show The Apprentice, the ego of host Donald Trump and his coiffure Hilary Duff & Lindsay Lohan both seem to like Aaron Carter the finale of FOX's reality show My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé gay marriage week in America includes Rosie O'Donnell who weds in San Francisco the Discovery Channel's American Chopper and the stars of the show: the dysfunctional Tuetul Family the Academy Awards possible winners the film Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights slang cards are available for sale the FOX television game show Celebrity Spelling Bee and more. Upgrade and downgrade: celebrity breakups. Who had the best week ever: Jessica Simpson. The panelists give ample evidence why she's hot, hot, hot, dumb, dumb, dumb, and, why people love her. Closing video: ""I'm Really Hot,"" by Missy Elliott.

Topics that charmed the panelists include: the HBO show The Sopranos the Olson twins are drinking, going wild, and make the cover of In Touch magazine Queen of homemaking Martha Stewart is found guilty by jury the NBC reality show The Apprentice and Trump's henchmen the film Starsky & Hutch is so gay the final episode of the NBC television show Average Joe and the dumb ending shock radio DJ Howard Stern is in hot water, again, natch the James Bond video game and more. Upgrade and downgrade: Academy Awards Show fashions. Word of the week: spongmonkey--the Quizno's singing rodents. Who had the best week ever: New Zealand. The panelists tell us why the three Lord of the Rings films helped make this so. Closing video: ""She Wants to Move,"" by N.E.R.D.

Topics derided include: Governor Arnold moonlights as new editor at Muscle & Fitness and Flex magazines Britney Spears gyrates in the The Onyx Hotel Tour the UPN television show America's Next Top Model: let the crying begin the CIA recruitment video starring the Alias television actor Jennifer Garner Angelina Jolie, sex, hotels and her friends Wrestle-mania XX, lies, and cable Law & Order v. CSI Hip Hop energy drinks like Crunk, Pimp Juice, and Liquid Ice singers Norah Jones, Hillary Duff, John Mayer, Clay Akin, et al: the ""New Comfort Celebrities"" Ashley Judd's film selection choices and more Upgrade and downgrade: Cover songs. Word of the week: Gay DD--there are so many gay news/events in pop culture that one can't keep up. Who had the best week ever: Carmen Electra. The panelists and Carmen tell us how busy she is with work. Carmen's everywhere. Closing video: ""Public Service Announcement (Interlude),"" by Jay-Z.

Topics scoffed include: Courtney Love acting like an idiot, once again, natch Paris Hilton on FOX's The Simple Life 2 the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Lisa Marie Presley talks about former husband Michael Jackson Fox News producers: what idiots college basketball's March Madness celebrities as United Nation ""hiplomats"" saving the world who's Farnsworth Bentley? why is he in hip-hop videos? what's he selling? and why we care? Jessica Simpson is still dumb when she visited the White House St. Patrick's Day and lots and lots of drinking and more. Upgrade and downgrade: Celebrity couples. Who had the best week ever: Robots. Closing video: ""Tipsy,"" by J-Kwon.

Topics roasted include: director Kevin Smith's new film Jersey Girl Howard Stern fined and Oprah wasn't: for similar verbal gaffe Richard Simmons: slap-happy at the airport the novel Da Vinci Code is still on the best-seller list actor/singer Jada Pinkett Smith opens for Britney Spears in Europe Tom Hanks' new film The Ladykillers Democratic presidential candidate X-treme John Kerry the Brat Back is back, twenty years later, and on television Paris Hilton and Britney Spears almost get hurt off-beat action figures of Donald Rumsfeld, and others, are the rage and more. Upgrade and downgrade: artist crossovers. Who had the best week ever: Beyoncé Knowles. Jacqui Malouf said it well, ""This woman is unstoppable."" Closing video: ""Naughty Girl,"" by Beyoncé Knowles.

Topics the panelists poked fun at include: Janet Jackson recovers from her Super Bowl flap and is everywhere Britney Spears' live Miami concert on SHOWTIME the film Hellboy and its star Ron Perlman the USA TV biopic Call Me: The Rise and Fall of Heidi Fleiss Ben Affleck's life gets dissected Tom Cruise and Penelope Cruz break-up the OutKast video ""Roses"" premieres MTV's reality super make-over television show I Want a Famous Face FOX's television show Arrested Development and more. Upgrade and downgrade: classic TV film remakes. Word of the week: germinator--one who coughs or sneezes without covering up, thereby infecting others. Who had the best week ever: The FOX cartoon character Marge Simpson. The panelists and Yeardley Smith, the voice of Lisa Simpson, explain why she's hot, reveal that Marge is on the cover of Maxim magazine, and why she's popular here in the US, and beyond. Closing video: ""Roses,"" by OutKast.

Topics jeered include: the ABC Nick and Jessica Variety Hour PBS' Sesame Street turns 35 NBC's The Apprentice finale preview and Omarosa returns the J-Lo new image make-over put into place on the Nickelodeon Kid's Choice Awards western films are hot, once again the film Girl Next Door, or aka as the ""The Porn Star Next Door"" Kelly Osbourne enters rehab the 90210 stars are back celebrity odds and ends for sale on Ebay the film Shaolin Soccer and more. Now you get it: Christian Finnegan explained who Harriet Tubman was, thereby explaining one of his earlier jokes. Who had best week ever: Ashton Kutcher. He's in the new The Dukes of Hazzard (2005) film as Luke Duke and he's dating Demi Moore. Kutcher's on fire. Closing video: ""Hey Mama,"" by Black Eyed Peas.

Topics guffawed include: the film Kill Bill Vol. 2 the NBC's television show The Apprentice finale and its similarity to game shows the hip-hop artist P. Diddy on Broadway FOX's reality make-over show The Swan and ABC's Extreme Makeover President G.W. Bush's April 14th press conference, yep he sounds like an idiot it's tax time on the 15th of April Michael Jackson donates to charities celebrity tanning--the new orange and more. Upgrade and downgrade: celebrity reconciliations. Word of the week: showmance--when romance happens between two people in a reality television program. Who had the best week ever: Quentin Tarantino and Uma Thurman. Why? They're everywhere: on magazine covers, talk shows, billboards, radio, and even on FOX's television show American Idol. 'Nuff said. Closing video: ""Cold Hard Bitch,"" by Jet.

Topics that cracked up the panelists include: female action heroes now rule action films the Britney Spears video, ""Every Time"" the four stages of Donald Trump Blender magazine chooses the fifty worst songs ever the film 13 Going on 30 The Simpsons actors strike The Apprentice contestant Kwame is a big winner actor John Travolta wants to fly the Space Shuttle Madonna and the Kaballah film remakes, oh no and more. Upgrade and downgrade--celebrities making films of musicians. Word of the week: pottyguard--person hired by celebrities to clear out the bathroom so they can do their business in private. Who had the best week ever: Prince. As Sherrod Small said, ""Prince has his new video out. Playing everyday. The album, Musicology is out. You can't go wrong with Prince."" Closing video: VH1 Pop Music Medley, various artists shown in clip.

The second one-half hour BWE special hosted by Jeff Probst of Survivor fame, recaps the BWE episodes covered in April. Topics reviewed and remembered include: NBC's The Apprentice and Donald Trump's ego Madonna & the Kaballah the Nick & Jessica Variety Hour Britney Spears on Showtime reality make-over shows celebrity tanning--the new orange the film Shaolin Soccer and more. Word of the week in April: showmance. Who had the best week ever in April: Prince. Closing video: VH1 Pop Music Medley, various artists shown in clip.

Topics that caused the panelists to howl include: the NBC sitcom Friends finale, and more the film Van Helsing opens the FOX OC season finale Ben Affleck visits Washington DC and lobbies for a higher minimum wage BRAVO's reality wicked show Showbiz Mom and Dads celebrity children's books Mother's Day and more. Upgrade and downgrade: Kentucky Derby fashions. Word of the week: Ziering--when you've had a successful career in an ensemble show and then, after the show ends, fail to land additional gigs. Coined after the actor Ian Ziering who had a major role in Beverly Hills, 90210, and is infrequently seen. Who had the best week ever: Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. Closing video: ""Extraordinary,"" by Liz Phair.

Topics that tickled the panelists include: FOX's The Idol sucks according to panelist Paula Abdul and many others the film Troy opens the CBS reality show Survivor finale and its problems celebrity gossip like Lindsay Lohan partying it up in New York, and much more dish celebrity wear when appearing in Court Kelly Ripa in a freaky photo spread in Allure magazine Teen People hottest young celebries under 25 years television sitcom show finales sex and the kind of auto you drive, e.g. BMW=lots, Porsche=little and more. Upgrade and downgrade: cameo appearances in television programs. Who had the best week ever: gay men. The panelists tell us why! Closing video: VH1 commercial for its show ILL-ustrated.

Topics that caused the panelists to chortle include: the FOX talent show Celebrity Idol final three finalists celebrity gossip like Jon Lovitz is a hot lover according to a super-model, and much more dish Lindsay Lohan does a sexy celebrity spread in Vanity Fair the four stages of the Olsen twins television cancellations, in memoriam death in music videos Demi and Ashton missing photos--stolen or given away celebrity baby names Pam Anderson becomes an American citizen segregation in television prime time Tony Randall, Requiescat in Pace 1980's musician comebacks and more. Who had best week ever: women's nipples. Even Lindsay Lohan gave us a glimpse. Closing video: ""Hey Mama,"" by the Black Eyed Peas.

Topics that caused the panelists mirth include: FOX's American Idol finale accused child molester and pop singer Michael Jackson--possibly taking a trip the film Day After Tomorrow celebrity gossip like Lindsay Lohan and her possible breast augmentation surgery, and much more dish HBO's The Sopranos, anticipating the final episodeof the season the animated film Schrek 2 the film Soul Plane and urban films Ice-T and David Hasselhoff possibly making a rap song President Bush rides his bike and takes a dive a mighty bird pooped on Cyndi Lauper during concert terrible movie accents and more. Upgrade and downgrade: university commencement speakers. Special segment: What your purchases say about you. Panelist Christian Finnegan explains the meaning of a few purchases. Who had the best week ever: Shrek. The film broke all sorts of box-office records last week. Closing video: ""The Reason,"" by Hoobastank.

The third one-half hour BWE special recaps the BWE episodes covered in May. Topics reviewed and remembered include: celebrity baby names four stages of the Olsen twins the Madonna reinvention bad movie accents Lindsey Lohan show business mom and dads HBO's The Sopranos FOX's American Idol and more. Upgrade and downgrade in May: Kentucky Derby fashions. Who had the best month in May: gay men. Closing video: ""(Can't Get My) Head Around You,"" by The Offspring.

Topics that caused the panelist to titter include: J-Lo and Marc Anthony get hitched the band Creed break up OJ Simpson celebrates his 10th year as a murderer Harry Potter grows up in the film Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban WB's faux talent competition show Superstar USA Lindsay Lohan's father charged with assault, Janet Jackson has an alter-ego named ""strawberry,"" and more gossip the documentary Super Size Me high school prom stories and more. Upgrade and downgrade: the actors who play Super Heroes on the silver screen. Who had the best week ever: celebrity sisters. The careeers of both Haylie Duff and Ashlee Simpson are starting to take off. Closing video: ""Redneck Woman,"" by Gretchen Wilson.

Topics that caused the panelists to snicker include: the FOX reality television series The Simple Life 2 the game dodgeball and the new comedy film, Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story J-Lo misses her Russian store opening, in short, she dissed President Vadimir Putin and 450 kids celebrity dish like Aaron Carter dating Hulk Hogan's daughter, roommate of Ben Affleck's girlfriend complains about Affleck shedding hair, former President Clinton writes his memoir, and more Britney Spears cancels Onyx Hotel Tour due to knee injury the Olsens turn 18 years of age Father's Day shock-jock Howard Stern and the 2004 presidential election the computer game Playboy: The Mansion and the geeks who love playing the game the end of a trend: Xtreme, whatever J-Lo is still married this week: amazing pop culture icon Madonna has identity crisis and changes name to Esther hot condoms and more. Special segment: panelist Christian Finnegan gave a Father's Day greeting to celebrity d

Topics that caused the panelist glee include: Britney Spears engaged--the panelists agree: the chick is troubled the documentary Fahrenheit 9/11, the Hollywood celebs, and more, who love the film the celebrity porno 1 Night in Paris is now out on DVD former rockers form the new group ""Velvet Revolver"" the BWE panelists give actor Tom Hanks some tough love the film Fight Club is now a future, possible, musical former The Apprentice contestant Omarosa starts a 900 diva call-in number (and she's still weird) beer commercials Hugh Hefner writes a self-help book named Hef's Little Black Book J-Lo dreams of being Wonder Woman in a film the ""50 Hottest Bachelors"" according to People magazine celebrity dish like Britney Spears' mom hits a photog summer reading list includes Jewel's poetry book, not and more. Special segment: What your purchases say about you? Panelist Christian Finnegan explained the meaning of a few purchases. e.g. CD's, DVD's, and going to a fil

The fourth one-half hour BWE special recaps the BWE episodes covered in June. Topics reviewed and remembered include: highway snobbery: Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie the DVD 1 Night in Paris the film Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story and dodgeball clubs the film Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and puberty hot condoms celebrity dish like Anna Nicole Smith has sex with a ghost, Ben Affleck sheds hair, and more Britney Spears: injures knee, cancels tour, mom hits pedestrian with car, getting married--all very odd Janet Jackson and her alter-ego ""Strawberry"" Madonna wants to be known as Esther extreme sports, and other x-treme things some dudes, they are on fire Michael Moore's political documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 former president Bill Clinton writes a book and makes a come back J-Lo becomes Mrs. J-Lo and more. Closing video: VH1 commercial for its show a2z.

Topics that caused the panelists joviality include: who is Kevin Federline and his weak resume? the film Spider-Man 2 breaking all box office records celebrity dish like Britney hasn't met future step-daughter, Cameron Diaz and her S&M video, and more Wilmer Valderrama is dating Lindsay Lohan why did 2004 presidential hopeful Senator John Kerry pick Senator John Edwards as VP running-mate? the five reasons to see the film King Arthur Kylie Minogue gets paid big bucks to sing in a wedding TV on DVD mustaches in comedy Sly Stallone is selling health foods Sex and The City on TBS: it seems prudishness is hot FX's cable show Nip/Tuck and more. Upgrade and downgrade: brunettes. Who had the best week ever: John's. John Kerry, John Edwards, John McEnroe, and even John McCain are on top of the world. Closing video: ""Spiderman Theme,"" by Michael Bublé.

Topics that made the panelists smile include: Britney Spears' Malibu Diet Ken Jennings, big winner on the game show Jeopardy celebrity dish like Paris Hilton called a whore in Sweden, and more Carmen Elektra hosts Strip Poker Fat Joe and his hot hip-hop song Lean Back domestic diva Marta Stewart gets sentenced to 5 months in jail Jessica Simpson has IQ of 160, who would have thunk it Democratic presidential hopefuls John Kerry and John Edwards really like each other fake reality shows like FOX's Casino TV drinking games and more. Upgrade and downgrade: male nudity. Who had the best week ever: television anchormen. Closing video: ""Float On,"" by Modest Mouse.

Topics the panelists thought uproarious include: singer Michael Jackson fathers quadruplets according to a magazine celebrity gossip like Justin Timberlake is unfaithful to Cameron Diaz, Britney Spears wedding to cost 1.8MM, and more the Bush Twins help Dubya's presidential political campaign California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger calls state Democratic leaders girlie-men good film sequels like Spider-Man 2, The Bourne Supremacy, and others the CBS's reality show The Amazing Race 5 good reasons to see the Guys Gone Wild DVD/Video old television shows on DVD Madonna opens a Kabbalah Center and more. Upgrade and downgrade: celebrity political endorsements. Word of the week: lip venom--lip gloss that make your lips burn and swell. Who had the best week ever: actor-singer Ashlee Simpson. She just released her first album and is still busy as an actor. Closing video: ""Pieces of Me,"" by Ashlee Simpson.

Topics that caused the panelists to chuckle include: the FOX reality show Trading Spouses celebrity gossip like Cameron Diaz discusses rumors of Justin Timberlake, J-Lo's mom prefers Ben Affleck to Marc Anthony, and more Ryan Seacrest's syndicated show On Air With Ryan Seacrest is canceled celebrities at the Democratic Party national convention Britney Spears' wedding plans and the pre-nup Cher's Goodbye Tour continues the Showgirls worthless DVD Box-set is released celebrity flaws like armpit hair, large hands, and more Lance Armstrong wins 6th Tour de France the film Star wars: Revenge of the Sith Comicon, the world's largest comic-book convention the 13 year-old singer JoJo the film Napoleon Dynamite and more. Special segment: what your purchases say about you? Panelist Christian Finnegan explains the meaning of a few purchases. e.g. CD's, DVD's, and going to a film. Who had the best week ever: the City of Boston. Closing video: ""Welcome Back,"" by Ma$e.

The fifth one-half hour BWE special recaps the BWE episodes covered in July. Topics reviewed and remembered include: Jadakiss asks lots of questions in his new hit song, Why? Britney Spears' second wedding news the reality show Trading Spouses good film sequels like The Bourne Supremacy, and other films actor-singer Ashlee Simpson; the DVD Guys Gone Wild Ken Jennings and the game show Jeopardy Fat Joe's hip-hop hit Lean Back the reality television show The Amazing Race Democratic presidential tag team John Kerry and John Edwards and more. Closing video: VH1 commercial for its show a2z.

Topics the panelists found hilarious include: a preview of the Athens Olympics 2004 the film Collateral starring Tom Cruise the A&E reality television show Growing Up Gotti the film Gigli celebrates it's one year anniversary the film Alien v. Predator celebrity dish like Matt Damon wants to make the thinking man's porno, Collin Farrell's Irish underwear, and more the Bruce Spingsteen political musical tour the FOX television show Arrested Development the hip-hop artist Nelly ""Pimp Juice"" Scholarship Fund the John Madden 2005 Football computer game celebrates 15th anniversary the music group Scissor Sisters and more. Upgrade and downgrade: celebrity step parents. Word of the week: tapering--when athletes stop training hard it makes them sexually over-active. Who had the best week ever: the hip-hop artist Shyne. Closing video: ""Take Your Mama,"" by Scissor Sisters.

Topics that made the panelists laugh include: the reality television program The Amazing Race and Charla Faddoul the Athens 2004 Olympic Games Oprah Winfrey a juror in murder trial Paris Hilton's dog Tinkerbell is found the UPN reality show The Player five good reasons to see the film Open Water celebrity dish like Nicki Hilton gets married, Halle Berry wants to do Cat Woman 2, and more happy birthday Madonna, she turns 46 years of age the four stages of Lindsay Lohan Val Kilmer guest stars in an episode of the HBO television series Entourage hip-hop dancing known as krumping and more. The end of a trend: krumping. Who had the best week ever: quitters. As moderator Larry Kenney said, ""Winners do quit and quitters do win."" Examples include New Jersey Gov. Jim McGreevey, singer Justin Timberlake, and television host Craig Kilborn. Closing video: ""Golden,"" by Jill Scott.

The panelists remember the Summer of 2004. Highlights include: Democratic presidential candidates John Kerry and John Edwards television shows like Amish in the City, The Player and Growing Up Gotti J-Lo & Mark Anthony's wedding Fat Joe's hip-hop song Lean Back the film Dodge Ball the FOX television show Trading Spouses Britney's wedding news Ken Jennings, the million winner on Jeopardy FOX's The Simple Life 2 film sequels extreme (the end of a trend) celebrity flaws Harry Potter hits puberty the four stages of Lindsay Lohan hip-hop rapper Shyne: in jail the documentary Fahrenheit 9/11 the 2004 Athens Olympics The Amazing Race and contestant Charla and more. Special segment: What your summer vacation says about you? Panelist Christian Finnegan explains the meaning of your summer. Upgrade and downgrade: university graduation speeches. Closing video: ""Somewhere Only We Know,"" by Keane.