Real Rob

Rob finds that his assistant Jamie is incompetent and considers firing him, but he discovers that his stalker might be a good replacement. After being rejected for installing a stripper pole, Rob's wife Patricia wants to start a business that involves male dancers.

Patricia wants Rob to have a vasectomy, and signs him up for a consultation. Rob meets up with former SNL colleague Norm MacDonald on what the procedure is like. When he sees that Jamie is stoned, he takes him to the clinic where he has Jamie go through the operation.

After accidentally hitting a guy with his car, but getting excused and accommodated for by the police, Rob finds himself in more situations where he gets preferential treatment for being a celebrity, which angers Patricia. But not all incidents go his way when a barista later gets offended by his tip and a plumber wants to overcharge him. Patricia orders costumes for her male revue dancers. Rob lands a circus role as a mime but when he imitates an audience member with special needs, he gets decked and watches as David Spade gets preferential treatment at the hospital.

Patricia tells Rob that he is so out of shape, even gay guys would not hit on him. To remedy this, he asks Jamie about his sex appeal to guys, and then joins Udo in working out at the Hollywood Gym where he tries flirt with guys. Upon learning that the venue for Miranda's first birthday party does not serve organic pizza, Rob insists on hosting the party himself, but runs into trouble when he is unable to make a cake, and forgets to hire the mascot.

Patricia has Rob get rid of his stuff which includes an alleged autographed Beatles album, an issue of Playboy, and sports memorabilia. He must also find a Mexican spiritualist to cleanse their house of bad spirits. Rob consults George Lopez, who at first is insulted he even knows his number, but recommends a shaman that will do the ritual. When the shaman mentions he needs marijuana in order to do the cleansing, Rob has to obtain a medical marijuana license. Rob also tries to get Jamie buy back his "My Sharona" 45 rpm single at the garage sale.

After seeing his sitcom idea turn into a radically different concept involving post-apocalyptic zombies and vampires, Rob begins to question what original business he can start. Patricia asks Rob to hire Ryan Gosling for the opening night of her male revue show. Rob gets inspired to start a vitamin health food business.

After quitting the TV show pilot, Rob discovers that his mother and brother had been squandering his fortune, leaving him broke and unable to pay for his health food store or the balance of the payment to hire Ryan Gosling. He and Jamie stash their order of refrigerators and other appliances at an empty Blockbuster store, and find a homeless man to impersonate Gosling for Patricia's show.