In Sickness and in Health

Alf tests the patience of the good-natured Johnsons from next door by using their phone to make a very long-winded long distance call to Rita. After expounding upon funerals in the pub, Alf repays Mr Johnson by buying him so many drinks he falls over. Meanwhile, Alf's homeward progress pushing Else in her wheelchair ends in drunken calamity.

Rita comes to visit and no sooner is she through the door than Alf argues with her about Else. After Alf criticises Margaret Thatcher, claiming that no woman should be PM, Else and Rita gang up against him with Winston, who brings an equally camp friend home to throw a party for Rita.

Tired of pushing Else around in her chair, Alf looks into an electric scooter but they cost £2,500 and Social Security informs Alf that, as long as he's able to push, Else is ineligible. Taking an idea from some go-karting kids, Alf adds jet propulsion to the chair, which goes out of control, foiling a bank robbery and landing him in hospital. He's declared a hero but, following Winston's view that the robbers' accomplices may be out to get him, decides to remain anonymous.