That Peter Kay Thing

In this the first episode we meet the staff and owner of Bolton's The Neptune Club. They are The Saint, Bolton's own very Jerry St. Clair, Brian Potter, Les Alanos, and the newly-employed bouncers, Max and Paddy. The staff of the future Phoenix Club are all here.

We meet the hard-done-by staff of Bolton's old bingo hall, the Apollo. Let's tickle those balls, buck the management! But while you do, keep an eye out for Dogtagnan himself, Fire Inspector Keith Lard. 'In what way interferes with dogs?' 'The very worst way...you listening, Keith, you wierdo!'

This episode revolved around the fading popularity of local ice cream vans. The subject of the documentary is Mr Softytop, a grumpy ice-cream man who verbally assaults his customers and Darren, his assistant. His attempts to boost sales include inventing the "Millennium Cone", selling at the site of road accidents and renting pornography, films include: Shaving Private Ryan, Beverly Hills Cock, Look Who's Porkin and the Phantom Penis. (A real sex shop in Bolton is called Softy's Hard Stuff). To make matters worse he has to compete with a new competitor, Signór Wippy.